198 days later, sort of...
posted: Apr 20, 12:52 AM
Ha! I couldn’t even remember how to log into my Gemini Girl account to post. How sad is that! Rhetorical question… According to my home page it has been 198 days since I last wrote. Hmmm…
So, as I always do, when stressed, I write. Life has been challenging for the past 7 months. I truly didn’t expect it to be otherwise, but I don’t think I thought it would be as horrible has it has turned out to be.
I don’t like to talk about my personal life, because it is personal and there are a few of you who know me and those whom I am writing about…I have always believed perspective is everything, and have yet to delude myself that I am perfect.
In early October I found a therapist through my employee support program. O is very grounded and practical. She’s not afraid to express what she thinks, even if what she’s thinking may make me uncomfortable or require me to dig deeper into who Gemini is now, and how she grew into that individual. I respect her down to earth approach and her professionalism.
Yesterday was the culmination of too much sadness and stress and I found myself making an appointment to see her. I couldn’t see her after work hours until early May and I resigned myself to this delay. The Princess has one of the worst cases of mono. I’ve never seen anyone this sick with it, and actually didn’t know it was a possibility. This is important to know, because I told her receptionist I was at home. She booked me a phone appointment for later in the day.
When O called me for the appointment, I had 4 months of life to fill her in on…her listening skills amaze me. I thought I was good, but she takes listening to a whole new level! When I brought her up to date, her first words were “You’re burned out.” I will admit I wasn’t surprised to hear this, I’d wondered. We talked a little longer and I told her about me internalizing stuff, words/actions, recently, which I would normally have let go. O’s response was I am experiencing Post Traumatic Stress and catastrophizing (predicting the worst case scenario). Wow! That surprised me. Or not. She was right.
So, where does this leave me? Not feeling like an over emotional idiot. This is a good thing. It hasn’t taken much to make me cry recently and I’m not good with such fragile self control.
I have someone in my life, who means the world to me, but due to circumstances I do not see him enough. I don’t take this out on anyone around me. It is what it is, and I either accept and deal, or move on.
I know the selling of the property and a fresh beginning will make a huge difference to my stress and anxiety. It will make a difference to the Princess and to her father.
I know I have some of the warmest, kindest, most supportive friends in the entire world! Like O they don’t tell me I am perfect, or always right or a victim. They are just present for me. They let me cry, make me laugh and giggle, lend me books and movies…I count my blessings everyday to have these wonderful people in my life.