Gemini's thoughts on "he's just not that into you"
posted: Feb 9, 12:45 AM
I picked up “he’s just not that into you” the other day in the drugstore. When I bought it, I thought it was a novel. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it is a “self help” book. It describes itself as “the no-excuses truth to understanding guys”. I think there should be a book entitled “she’s just not that into you”. I have the sense there are lots of men in this world who do not understand women!
My problem is not with the “advice” in the book. It’s pretty practical, whether the reader is male or female, it’s the premise behind the book. The premise that the male does the pursuing and the female watches, and waits, for the appropriate mating signals.
Again, I believe all men and women, whatever their orientation may be, are alert for signs of interest from an individual they find attractive. It’s almost biological programming, it doesn’t mean, however, we always act on the attention.
Some of the scenarios the book offers are too funny. In the chapter “I Do Not Accept His Breakup Excuse” Nikki says “He’s just in a bad mood and I’m not going to believe him”. (Page 101) Nikki sounds a little flaky to me.
I like the reminder “Don’t confuse being classy with being a doormat. Classy is walking away with your head held high, graciously, and with dignity. Being a doormat is offering to drive him to the dentist for his root canal”. (Page 100) Although, there could be a certain satisfaction to be had in dropping him off at the dentist’s after talking about the big nasty needle and sharing root canal horror stories. Of course, he’d have to find his own way home.
The book actually portrays men as rather self obsessed losers. Of course, that’s only my opinion.
There’s one chapter which truly reinforces the man as a giant loser. The one where the guy just disappears out of your life! I have to say I would not have thought this was a common enough occurrence to merit a chapter, but apparently, I am wrong. I do like what Liz, the female perspective, has to say on disappearing “…I guess the hope is…that when a guy no longer wants to communicate with me, and doesn’t have the manners or courage to tell me that to my face, he’s given me all the information I need…”(Page 115) Yes, he has. It would suck if you loved the guy though and this was who he turned out to be.
Originally, I had been looking forward to the movie, but now I feel rather ambivalent. I thought it was going to be a romantic comedy. An opportunity to laugh at the mis-communication which happens within relationships.
This book makes women sound like they don’t have any commonsense. Sure, there are times we may feel a bit muddled and can benefit from a friend’s perspective, but according to this book, a tree is just a tree, it’s never a plant, an evergreen, a deciduous, or a bonsai. You’ll have to figure out another analogy for yourself if you don’t like the tree one.
Anyway, I can only come back to my thinking when I wrote my “double standard” post. We haven’t come very far, if books like “he’s just not that into you” are “self help” and not comedies. At least let us have some balance here…write one for the guys so they know, when no means no and not maybe, and that when we don’t write our number down, we really mean “don’t call me”, I’m just not that into you!
Gemini