It's all in the details...
posted: Jun 23, 04:39 PM
I don’t think being 13 years old is all fun and games. I’ve watched my daughter navigate childhood and early adolescence with a grace I’m certain I did not possess. My mother might disagree with my evaluation of myself, but…
On Wednesday night my 13 year old daughter asked if she could stay home from school on Thursday. Given she is a strong and successful student, that I know most of what is going on in school is make work at the moment I said “yes”. Her close friend whom I nicknamed Cheese Whiz, for some reason known only to me, gets a drive to school with her every morning and I reminded her to tell C.W. to get a drive with her Mum. School was called. Everything was organized. And best of all as I don’t work on Thursday mornings there would be no rushed morning start.
So much for the best laid plans. I wake up feeling peaceful in the awareness of a quiet morning (I enjoy my peace) and head downstairs to bond with my cat, Chloe. I revel in this oasis of calm for all of ten minutes and then am pulled from my happy place by voices inquiring how Cheese Whiz got to school. I am wondering why I am supposed to know, but apparently instinctive knowledge of other families transportation arrangements is part of my parenting job description so, helpfully, I think, I respond with “I don’t know. How did she say she’d get to school?”
My poor child responds with “I told her we’d still drive her.”
Logical as ever and more than a little annoyed I inquired “Did you mention this to anyone here?
The poor little soul replied with a “No. I, I…”
I have always believed the natural consequences to our actions are the most effective means of learning anything. I looked at her, raised my eyebrows as only a worried and concerned mother can and proceeded to figure out how to check up on Cheese Whiz’s where abouts and her safety.
Calls were made to her home, waking up her older brother who seemed pretty unconcerned about his “little” sister, but told us she’d left to walk; school was called, she wasn’t there. Call brother again, feeling creeping concern and going into super calm mode…she had left at 9:15 and might or might not have arrived at school in the time frame. (He used to walk this route on a daily basis). My, by now, distraught daughter can’t stop crying, her self punishment has begun.
C.W.‘s mum calls. She’s trying to sound very calm, but I can hear the fear in her voice. The junior high has called her to inquire about C.W.‘s absence. I tell her what we’ve been doing, one parent on the phone trying to verify C.W.‘s location and the other out looking for her. She can hear my child crying next to me and generously speaks to her and offers her reassurance that she is certain C.W. is fine, but probably unhappy having to have walked to school in the rain.
Then my child learns that Cheese Whiz has not arrived at school…she is a mess by now and wails “I’ve killed my best friend!” In the event you are familiar with the “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants” girl friends you will “know” my daughter and her three friends. The four of them are a sisterhood. The dynamics of the foursome ebb and flow, but the ties which hold them together are strong.
In my child’s defense she is not given to drama, but in recent weeks there as been a man in the neighborhood accosting young girls and the schools have made sure the students are aware. The walk to her school involves a stretch of road with wooded land on both sides, it is quiet. She’s a sensible person she knows accidents are events we don’t expect to happen.
Anyway, the story has a happy ending. Cheese Whiz’s mother calls five minutes later to tell me C.W. called her from school and of course, she is fine. My child talks to the Mum and apologizes once more for the worry she has caused.
My child listens when I talk to her about communication and the importance of being as clear as is possible; not assuming anyone knows any thing; remembering we all make mistakes and it is what we do with the mistake which allows us to grow as human beings. I observed to her this was probably one of those life lessons which would remain with her and would help her to understand when someone who loved her asked her where she was going and when she expected to return, she would know it was not out of inquisitiveness, but love and concern for well being.
They are sweet kids. The three of them called her at lunch time to see if she was o.k.. They all had girls’ night last night as they got ready to celebrate summer and make their vacation plans.