Mothers, Daughters and Questions
posted: Jun 10, 04:18 AM
I guess when my writer’s block passes it passes! Reflection time seems to be upon me…I’ve just returned from visiting with my Mother who very recently had her 80th birthday. We made a special dinner, demolished a cake and chatted about our lives.
I worry about her being lonely. I feel very protective when I think of her vulnerability. I wish she still lived in this community, that she hadn’t moved away from her friends and her life here. And me.
My Mum and I have had our differences. I think this is probably normal. I doubt there are too many girls who dream about growing up to be just like their mother! More’s the pity, ‘cause there are some great women out there who chose to venture into parenting. (The makings of another post!)
We still think differently about almost everything, but it doesn’t seem to matter these days. I know I will only have her in my life for much too short a time and I can’t imagine not having her. Even picking up the phone and hearing her voice reminds me there is someone out there who has known me since Day One!
She’s tired. When I offer to find her the help she needs or better yet to move her back to the city, she refuses. She cites her reasons for remaining an hour’s drive away and why she believes she doesn’t need anyone to help her with her day to day life. Needless to say I leave feeling even more anxious for her than when I arrived.
When does respect for a parent’s right to independence become harmful? Do I have the right to inflict my beliefs as to what would make her life better on her? When is it my responsibility to say “enough is enough”? What is the line in the sand?
I think the answers to these questions are as varied and unique as the individuals who will answer them. My mother would definitely tell me I had no rights nor responsibilities as it is her life and any decisions hers to make. I know because I have had these conversations with her. She acknowledges she is frustrating.
Her admitting to this “failing” certainly averts any argument from me. I can only agree with her and remind her she is loved. I can also make sure she knows I am here for her when/if she decides the time for change has arrived.